May 2017 – 31 Day Blog Challenge
Theme: Pet Peeves
Honestly, my pet peeve is just internalized misplaced resentment I have against myself involving control/anger. I often encourage others to come to terms with what they consider flaws or negative characteristics about themselves because I truly believe those qualities of our shadow selves are meant to make us stronger and more compassionate empaths in our lives.
Yet I often to struggle to take my own medicine – at times if I find my patience running thin or something sets me off, I never express it externally – I always internalize it because I always push myself in the corner with the reason “all of your negative emotions are actually not directly caused by other people or things, but with how you choose to react or let go of those situations.” So I always hold it in and appear silent and unmoved on the outside even though my head is spinning faster and crazier than the hexagonal storm on Saturn’s north pole on the inside.
Don’t get me wrong, this is a great way to really choose one’s battles in life – in healthy moderation depending on each and every situation. I have been living and thinking this way since childhood. But as you know, there needs to be a balance between how much one chooses to internalize and externalize any source of negativity – and my balance is heavily polarized toward internalization – I will struggle, strive, rationalize, and reason every which way, method, and angle I can before I place blames on external factors – mostly to avoid ever having to paint someone in a negative light (look up the INFJ “Door Slam”).
But as I have grown older, I have become much more reasonable and forgiving of myself – I have always understood that yes, negativity can come from external influences and sometimes one just can’t help those situations – but I would always get down on myself because in my mind, I’m raking over ways I can try to guide or steer the situation in a direction that balances and comes to a positive resolve and if I cannot do that personally, I feel I have failed in my attempts to be a morally and ethically reliable individual.
So in brief, my pet peeve(s) center around the relationship between control/patience and how my internalization of everything negative occasionally warps and breaks down my ability to accept that a lot of the things in the world are simply out of my control and my lack of acceptance of this facts often lights the short fuse of my patience.
As always, thank you for stopping by and reading.
Tiny Fawns is a poetry journal with occasional art work.
I recently decided to participate in this challenge so that my followers and anyone who ventures into Tiny Fawns Land can have a clearer picture of who I am, what I do, etc etc.
I rarely if ever blog outside of poetry, so for you followers who follow me strictly for poetry, I hope you will be gracious for the month of May to see a daily update from me that is not poetry. I will of course be continuing my daily updates of poetry in addition to this.
-Brianna Dawn, AKA Tiny Fawns